Today has just been another “Russia” day for me. I just woke up in a somewhat unpleasant mood and things only got worse as the day went on. I think the height of my frustration came at McDonald’s earlier this evening. Firstly, I had to eat there out of convenience/pure desperation because nothing else looked good or within my price range for the day. Secondly, all I wanted to do was order the “NORMALLY” sized chicken sandwich, but, even after trying to verify that I was ordering the correctly sized sandwich, I STILL got the wrong one because the menus here lack any adjacent objects in the pictures to allow you to appropriately guess the size of the object you want…it is just like, “great, yet another thing I’m just SUPPOSED to know out of pure instinct or reflex or divine intervention.” It was also particularly frustrating because the first girl I ordered from just did not listen. I very clearly said chicken burger, with a strong emphasis on the “ch” and “k” sounds, and she repeats “cheeseburger” to me. Now, of course, I then made the mistake of going back to try to order one of these famed “seasonal” pies with some mysterious blue/purple, Russian fruit filling and that event went down with even less success because I ended up leaving the situation with the wrong type of pie AND a large coke. To the later item I have to say that just because I am American does not mean that I automatically desire an extremely large coke with everything! At no point during our correspondence did the sound diet coke even come out of my mouth. And when she asked if I wanted a drink I said no, IN Russian. This may just be me being homesick, but I certainly do not feel that way. I just feel frustrated by people who do not listen.
I was also feeling obnoxiously fed up with all of the social inequalities that exist here. Yes, they exist in every place in a variety of ways, but today I was having trouble with Russia’s. I am just so tired of having to watch people be singled out on the street by the police because of the color of their skin and noticing that no one else sees that as bizarre. I am also sick of all of the homophobia that exists here. Honestly, watching some of the “Saturday Night Live” type shows is like stepping back into Junior High when boys make homophobic jokes in an effort to assert their masculinity and to express their disgust about the idea of same sex pairings. I just try to view this negative presence of homosexuals in the media as one step forward toward acknowledging the idea of it, even if it is done negatively. But then again, the phrase “not all press is good press” certainly comes to mind. Lastly, I am very tired of my perpetual celebrity status because I am African in appearance. I CAN see you starring at me and hear you when you whisper to your friend about me. I am just so sick of constantly being starred at EVERY time I go out to try to live my life. Why does the fact that I simply exist have to bring about so much attention? Today I just feel like all aspects of my person are constantly under assault here. I am never allowed even one minute to just breath and feel like I am not some sort of alien walking the streets of Peter.
Today was just full of a lot of unexpected challenges emotionally that I am struggling to digest healthily. Huh, I understand that frustration is okay and something to be expected when living abroad, but that does not work to make it any less of a hassle.
